I didn't want to say "Hey everyone, I got a job driving public transit. Thanks for all of your support."
Because well..it needed to be edgier?
I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me but I know the people who know me must be at least slightly concerned for the people of Flagstaff with me behind the wheel of a large, heavy moving object.
This rare post was intended to allow others to congratulate me for finding a job after 4 months of nothing. This is kind of pathetic already but it wasn't nearly bleak or ominous enough. It obviously needed to be a stupid concession and an ode to the remaining influence and importance of substances in my "grotesque failure of an adult life". For some reason.
I of course commented that after reading about common "benzo" withdrawal disorders on wikipedia my previous year made so much more sense. All the externalizing, over-reacting, delivery ordering, dry-mouth, severe depression and loss of interest in anything worth living for could finally be explained and diagnosed by me the expert. "
It was the drugs I USED TO take for anxiety guys! Sorry if I lashed out at you or acted really inappropriately. Its because I have been suffering from withdrawals up until recently and didn't even know it. I have to stop taking these again now so I can drive a bus safely. OMG Wish me luck!"
I heard every person I have ever met roll their eyes. And realized I had better check myself before I wreck myself. I went ahead and deleted my girl interrupted/prozac nation/rachel getting married moment about 30 minutes after posting it. A trifle embarassed by my very grotesque facebook disaster.
But I have to re write it now. It seems like a good idea to try not to be ashamed of finding a job. Especially when I thought the past was going to make it impossible. I had given up when this happened. I was in shambles and the drugs. I don't know where they fit in or if they do but this job didn't land in my lap. I found it, considered it, determined it and earned it on these drugs. In the midst of psychological chaos and neurological warfare.
And now all I want is to write something some one will like. Or post something that will make some one laugh. Maybe a story about something that doesn't involve this version of me that is broken and inhuman.
So I'm going to try this status again. Save as statusquo.png Extra points for serving a burn on all the door slammers.
